Recently, I have seen a huge shift towards couples choosing to write their own vows for their wedding ceremony. And I LOVE it. I think personal vows give your guests a peek into the emotions and moments that have built the foundation for your marriage.
Personalized vows bring out laughter, tears, and connection that I think is often lacking in more traditional prescribed vow.
Like the idea of writing your own vows, but aren’t sure how to actually do it? Check out the tips and ideas below to get your started.
3 Tips for Writing your Own Vows
- Follow a prescribed formula that you can expand with your own thoughts and feelings. One of my favorites (and the one my wife and I used at our own wedding!) is:I love you because…I love you because…I love you because…I love you because…
Because I love you…
The first part of this exercise allows you to highlight specific examples in your relationship that make it uniquely yours. The second part of the exercise allows you to make promises to each other—to talk about what kind of partner you’ll be and what efforts you promise to make to keep your marriage working for years into the future (think about this as a replacement for the “in sickness and in health” part of more traditional vows).
- Set aside time to work on your vows independent of each other. I recommend each taking a two-hour time block to go somewhere that you feel relaxed and comfortable. Bring a notebook and spend some time writing down feelings and thoughts about the other person and your relationship. How do they make you feel? How do they encourage you? What characteristics do you value in them? What does marriage mean to you? When you look ahead to your future together, what excites you? Don’t worry about writing coherent sentences or well-composed thoughts. Literally get your feelings out in their basest form and then later, use those words to write your actual vows.
- Write a set of vows together. I know I just said write them independently, but if this feels too difficult to you, think about writing a set of joint vows from scratch. Agree on values that are important to you both and write promises that you both agree to uphold in your marriage. While this format is the closest to traditional vows, and you will both be reading the same words, I love that you have the chance to write something that speaks to you personally and uniquely. Plus, you might be surprised at the deep conversations that this exercise sparks!
Still unsure about being so vulnerable in front of your guests (I get it, it can be scary!)? Think about writing personalized vows and share them with each other during a first look. You’ll be more isolated during this time (just the photographer and you), and you can embrace the emotion of the moment together without all the watching eyes.
I hope these tips for writing your own vows help you and your partner create meaningful words for our ceremony! Contact me to tell me all about them.